


For Her

by KapitanaRomanova



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Romanogers, F/M, Just angst, Not A Fix-It, angsty oneshot because im a mess, post avengers: endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 03:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18957301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KapitanaRomanova/pseuds/KapitanaRomanova
Summary: "See you in a minute."In which Steve loses his second chance at having a future with someone in just sixty seconds.





	For Her

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This account is new and I still have little understanding about how things work here, but I swear I'm trying my best. I wrote this oneshot on a whim immediately after seeing Endgame, which explains the angst. Just a final reminder that this is nowhere near a fix-it because writing this only made me sadder and I couldn't imagine how it would make y'all feel after reading this. Enjoy suffering with me tho!

Steve watched as the last of Thanos' dust got swept away by the wind, ignoring the agonizing pain in his left leg and the dull ache in his head. The scene before him made it feel like all the pain, all the trouble they went through was worth it. Teammates reuniting with their loved ones with serene looks on their faces. They've finally done it. They won. This was what Nat had been trying to do for the last 5 years.

 

_Nat_.

 

Nat, who tried to keep her shit together even after the events of the snap, stood her ground and took over the Avengers HQ; spent 5 years trying to bring back the people who were dusted. Suddenly, the urge to celebrate their victory was replaced by an overwhelming feeling of sadness. The pain he physically felt was nothing compared to the overwhelming loss of his best friend, his partner, his everything.

 

All of a sudden, Steve remembered the time when they were hiding from the government along with Sam and Wanda. How Natasha was there when he woke up in cold sweat from the nightmares he suffered ever since he was brought to the modern world, how she would reassuringly squeeze his shoulder when he seemed deep in thought the morning after. He was grateful for the way she never judged him for how he reacted to how awful his life had been; after all, Natasha always knew how shitty life could be sometimes.

 

After the snap, they lost Bucky, Sam, and Wanda. It felt like being punched in the gut back in his pre-serum days. To make matters worse, the nightmares came more often and were scarier; Bucky turning to dust just before his eyes, the pained look on Vision's face after Wanda successfully removed the Mind Stone and destroyed it, only for Thanos to reverse time and kill him. It was horrible. He thought there would be no way to escape this time, and that was when he really saw her. Natasha. Not as any persona she tried to put up, but as Natasha in her purest form. He knew that Nat was also hurting, and yet she made him her first priority. Steve remembers the gentleness in the way she calms him down, her soft palms on his cheeks as if her touch could take away all the pain and all the horrors he went through. The way her voice feels like silk as she tries to comfort him using a Russian lullaby that Natasha figured would calm him down. She always had a way of fixing problems.

 

It felt wrong to be so dependent towards Natasha, it was wrong to treat women like rehabilitation centers. And Steve being Steve, naturally asked her, " _You could've just left me. Why are you still here?"_

 

Natasha looked at him as if he was ridiculous and answered, " _Staying together is more important than how we stay together."_

 

Steve immediately recognized her answer from the conversation they had during Peggy's funeral. How she flew halfway across the world just to tell him that she didn't want him to be alone even when she was supposed to meet the Wakandan king and the UN about the Sokovian Accords.

 

Natasha stayed in the Avengers HQ even after Tony came back to Earth and then left again to start a life with Pepper. He remembers how determined she looked after she told him that she would undo the snap, let people reunite with those they have lost. He also remembers her smirk after she asks him to stay there with her.

 

He remembers saying 'no'.

 

He was soon consumed with guilt, leaving her all alone trying to find a way to undo the effects of the snap. And that was when he dealt with his demons and visited her. He always had access to the HQ and went around to look for Nat, ultimately ending up in the gym. He wasn't even trying to sneak up on her because who would even dare to sneak up on master spy. He settled with just watching her from the doorframe. Natasha was punching the sand bag so hard, Steve was sure she'd bruise her knuckles after. Steve didn't stop her, after all, he also abused the durability of the punching bags after he woke up from the ice.

 

" _Natasha_."

 

Her punches ceased for a while before she resumed to her normal tempo, each hit harder than the last. This went on for a whole minute before she faced him. That was when the guilt swallowed Steve whole. Natasha's eyes were red and swollen, the stress and the sadness finally taking it's toll on her used to be stoic face. Steve was overcome with the urge to wrap his arms around her; so he did. Steve's eyelashes started to dot with unshed tears; both caused by relief and guilt. Relieved that she was still sane and breathing; warm against his chest and her heart beating against his. Guilty for leaving her when she needed him most. Steve promised to himself that he would never ever let her be alone again, and in the silence of their surroundings, Steve's unspoken promise was the loudest.

 

He could not forget how he'd sometimes see Natasha on the verge of having another mental breakdown almost everyday. How the snap managed to break the strongest person he knew and made them vulnerable. He hated seeing her like this, desperately trying all the options to bring back all those who left, grasping at straws only to come up empty handed. He missed her. Missed her quick wit and sarcastic banter, missed all the jokes she'd make about him being a fossil.

 

Steve had always thought that Peggy was the love of his life, but he was wrong. He was so lost in the 'shared life experience' that he was talking about years ago when in fact the only shared experience he had with Peggy was the World War. And now, Steve had never been so certain of something. He was willing to do anything to keep Natasha by his side at all times, to not let her slip through his hands now that she's everything he has left. The woman he had grown to love.

 

Steve recalls the first time he told Natasha he loved her. The way her emerald green eyes were full of awe and surprise, her breath hitching in her throat. It's like she couldn't believe that she was worthy of such thing, when in fact she was worth all the good things in the world. The universe, even. Steve's heart was beating too fast and he was wondering if his heart would burst at any minute. He almost gave up and told her that he meant it in a friendly way, when he heard her muffled reply. Her head was once again buried in his chest, seeking for warmth that he was more than willing to give. He leaned down a bit and placed a chaste kiss on the crown of her head, relishing in the vanilla scent of her hair. He only tightened his arms around her and smiled to himself despite of how difficult the situation around them was.

 

The news of Pepper finally giving birth to a baby girl, Morgan, finally reached Nat and Steve. They both smiled at each other and felt a small twinge of hope settle in the bottom of their hearts, thinking that a normal life would still be possible. That's how they found themselves naked on Natasha's bed, Nat wrapped in Steve's impressively huge arms with both of them facing each other. The moonlight shone on Natasha's face and Steve felt like he just won the lottery at how lucky he was to have her. Everything felt so domestic around them and that's how the conversation wandered to having kids, both of them knowing it was impossible considering what Natasha went through in the Red Room; but they imagined anyway. Steve's eyes were full of love as she talked about what it might feel like to be a mother. Steve only responded with telling her that she'd be a great mom, to which Natasha genuinely smiled at. Steve's heart was about to burst with so much happiness and love at knowing that Natasha was willing to have kids and spend her life with him. He wouldn't know what he'd do if he lost her.

 

_See you in a minute._

 

Steve remembers how Natasha had a hopeful look on her face before they went on the Time Heist, how she thought that they'd finally find a way to undo the snap and make things okay again. He remembers smiling back at her, wordlessly telling her to be safe, to come back to him, that he loves her with every fiber of his being. He was a fool for not saying it out loud, not knowing it would be the last time they'd see each other.

 

Steve snapped out of his reverie and regained some strength again, bringing back his attention to the events at hand. Bucky was back, and so are Sam and Wanda. Everyone he loved was here, but the person who made this possible, who made the grand sacrifice, was not here to witness it. This was the second time he'd been robbed of his future, except with Nat, it was more tangible. Suddenly, bitter tears started to run down his face at remembering the night they talked about children; how they both agreed to name their future son James, and their daughter Tatiana. How Natasha beamed brightly at him despite of the tired look in her eyes. They were both fools, there wasn't anything normal for the both of them; the price to pay was too high.

 

Steve wiped away his tears with the back of his hand and sighed. Natasha would've been thrilled about this whole thing, wanting nothing else than for everyone to be back. Yes, Steve was also happy to have everyone back, but he wasn't Natasha. And as selfish as it sounds; he'd rather live with half of the population gone, than in a world where Natasha doesn't exist.

 


End file.
